Groupon: 93% Off Sugar Calories

by Jay Deragon on 01/16/2011

Finding Groupon for LCD monitors

I’ve been collecting Groupon Spam in a special folder in my email box. I guess that it is technically not Spam since I did sign up for it.  Or is it?

Up to 83% Off Laser Hair Removal (depends on how much laser hair you have?)
Up to 52% Off Eco-Friendly Water Bottle (Is the bottle 52% full or 52% empty)
65% Off Canvas on Demand (I demand Canvas!)
Half Off Brazilian Blowout in Bellevue (not going there)
52% off Body Scrub and Facial in Georgetown

I am really trying to root for Groupon. I am desperately waiting for the value proposition to emerge. Someday soon, Groupon will come up with a proposition that truly delivers something that I really need to increase my personal productivity and elevate my community to true collective power status. I feel it coming.  If not, then surely Groupon will innovate with new ways to understand what the market really needs during times of financial hardship and leverage their near-6B dollar influence and pending public stock offering to champion the plight of the masses.

51% off Rowing Class (in the winter?)
60% Off Spider Vein Treatment (My Spider is very sick indeed)
$10 Off custom mixes from My Mixed Nuts (seriously?)
$10 dollars off Mexican Fast Fare at Taco Time (a Cultural Insult to all Hispanics)
53% Off Woman’s Clothing at Pitaya (what happens to the other 47%)

After all, Groupon is the next paradigm in influence advertising – fighting for the little guy to deliver true value. Everyone is looking for a bargain so what more social pursuit could any morally conscious social media enterprise endeavor to deliver to the vast population of consumers?

Up to half off Quest Field Tour (“Up to half off” statements always worry me)
$10 for wine at Vermillion Art Gallery (I’d pay $10 for Art at the Wine Gallery)
$10 for Custom Smoothies (I wonder what the original price was)
Half Off Executive Dry Cleaners (somebody’s got to take ‘em to the cleaners)
67% off at Transformation Boot Camp (is there a money back guarantee on that?)

Instead of empowering people to pursue what they are most talented, passionate, and interested in, Groupon seeks to modify human behavior to adapt to the availability of surplus inventory dumped into the desperation market.  Companies are struggling to keep their doors open and people are not sure if their today dollars will buy anything in tomorrow’s dollars.  Instead of exploiting the throes of financial decline, surely our great social media innovators can do better than Groupon.

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